Megagame Makers

To an elf, a human is a dimwitted and short-lived animal. Humans have been found to be potentially very loyal and they usually perceive elves as attractive and awe-inspiring. Elves therefore tolerate humans in much the same way as humans tolerate pet dogs and cats. That's why the Grand Design exists.

The High Council of the Elves decreed some 5,000 years ago that the then primitive human populations of the world would merit further attention from elf-kind. The Council made a number of important rulings which all elves have agreed to obey. These were:

1. That humans should be developed in their potential to better equip them to (in time) become a high quality slave race for the Elder Race. (Note: This should come about in 1,000 years from the present).
2. To bring this about, the humans would be tested and carefully bred over a long period. The weeding out of weaklings would be achieved by causing many wars. (Incidentally, this breeding program has worked well due to the high reproductive rate of humans).
3. Elves encouraged the separation of various human tribal groupings by building on insignificant physical differences (hence the attidude to 'orcs') thus creating 'natural' enemies with whom peace could never be made.
4. Constant warfare would keep the human race from becoming too numerous to control. This is why every century or so there is an apocalyptic 'war against the forces of Darkness'.
5. Elves were forbidden to hunt humans for pleasure any more (up until this time human hunting was the second most popular elvish pastime), or to capture them for medical experiments. In order to foster the difference, hunting orcs is still permitted. Elves have no real strong feelings about 'orcs' (any more than they have about 'men') it is just that when men are about, elves have to put on an appropriate show of hating the evil 'orcs' as the embodiment of all that is 'evil'.

You are here as observers. Small genocidal wars between humans usually further our long term plans for humanity, but not always. So you are checking with the following objectives.

• To evaluate if Urr is worth saving (unlikely but not impossible) and if it is worth using elven troops to do so (highly unlikely). If Urr is basically worth saving, but the price of saving the actual city is to high, helping a faction of refugees flee city and settle elsewhere is a worthy substitute.
• To maintain the image of the Elves as sometimes distant, but clearly beneficent beings.
• To evaluate the evil empire and see if they have become so monstrously evil that they are now a threat to The Grand Design (unlikely but not impossible). If this is the case they must be destroyed eventually, possibly starting the process by defeating them right here at Urr.

Can be used freely: All Ritual magic.

There will be uncomfortable questions afterwards: 2 units of local Elven reserves (2 archer units that flee immediately if they are ever actually engaged. Members have the same personal magics as the envoys)

Nothing but a tool. Current planning has it being destroyed in the next 'Great Apocalyptic War Against The Forces of Darkness'. Just check to see if it is still working as intended. If it is, we'll be toppling the throne of the current emperor's grandson. If not we'll start that war slightly earlier. Just a couple of decades…

Urr is an unimportant human city state in a strategically somewhat important spot. Naturally they are going to get stomped by the current version of the Evil Dark Lord in this generations purge of humanity.

The citizens of Urr seem to be closer to the elven ideal for the human race than for example the folks over at Yendor. In the grand scheme it may be helpful to save either the whole of Urr, or a remnant of its population and culture. The considerable magic powers of the observers can be used to accomplish this goal if deemed worthwhile. There is even a modest force of elven archers available if needed. It better not be needed! Elf lives are very precious!

Urr is run by 2 Captain Regents and a Grand Council. There are very regular elections for all political posts in Urr. It is not clear if they are real, or some sort of charade to keep the underclass happy. Urr has a Dwarf quarter and an Orc quarter, where they have incorporated these beings into the underclass of their own culture. This seems to work better here than in other locations, like Yendor, where we have observed a similar phenomenon.

As far as the Elves are concerned the Dwarves are essentially the French. They are hairy, smelly, cowardly, oversexed pervertes that eat weird food. As long as you do not damage the basic trade relations that exist, you can safely ignore them.

The Cave of the Longbeards
These are the sad ossified remains of the only semi-cool dwarf culture ever. Their ancestors did some interesting (if derivative of Elvish craftmanship) stuff. Now they cling to those secrets as easy sources of income and as a deterrent to people who might hurt them.

The vulcano of the Gnomes
These are the most effeminate dwarfs. They were banished to this unsafe hellhole by the more butch sub-culture of the Longbeards. The gnome goddess empress (weird inappropriate title) is supposed to be the concubine of the Longbeard High King. But apparently one of the two is incapable of satisfying the other, so their relationship is strained. The Gnomes claim they have taken up the mantle of innovators, but nothing they make ever works.

The Caves of the Redbeards
They scratch out a very modest living by producing simple metal ware, cutlery, produce, horseshoes and shovels.

They are, in fact, just another tribe of humans. Their different skin colour and slightly different facial patterns has made it possible to depict them in song and fable as an evil race of monsters. Not completely successful by the way, 'cause apparently some of them have gone “civilized” and have become citizens of Urr.

Wild Free Folk bands live in the wilderness at the edge of the civilized lands. They do have a certain noble savage quality to them, if you get past the point, that they lust after the nubile flesh of every innocent elf maiden in sight. Either for deviant sexual purposes¹⁾, or feasting²⁾.

Tamed Free Folk bands living inside Urr on the other hand… They used to be wolves! Now they are just dogs³⁾.

  1) Well unimaginative breeding sex really. The Free Folk are very strongly into fertility, because of their high mortality rate.
  2) Mostly to display their hatred for us. There just isn't that much nubile flesh on the bones of an innocent elf maiden.
  3) And that's why we are interested in possibly preserving 'The Free City of Urr', we want to turn all of humanity into our dogs. 
  They are an interesting case study.

All Elven envoys can use these at will. Success is automatic.

Charm of Forlorn Encystment The target is permanently locked up in a featureless cell somewhere deep in a local mountain, until somehow freed. It is common knowledge that there is no possible escape from being encysted! Having this spell gives you the following special power: I tire of your Antics and will Invoke the Charm of Forlorn Encystment. Any player character who does not want to spend the rest of his life in a small featureless cell underground, better back away when the nice elf utters these words!! The player will get to take a (boring) break from the game and will then receive a new (probably embarrassing) character.

Shield of the Superior Beings A whirling miasma of magical energies surrounds the elf shielding him from all physical attacks and pushing away anyone he runs into allowing him to escape a violent confrontation.

Elven Telepathy Elven Wizards can mentally contact Large groups of Elfs over great distances to form a hivemind. It's practical purpose is to facilitate Ritual Magic and to mobilize Elven military units.

Thaumaturgic Hydrodynamic Drive The elf can travel over and across any body of water at an amazing speed.

These are massive magical rituals requiring over a 100 participants, multiple hours and lots of tantric sex. A wizard player must go and request a ritual from the magic umpire during the magic phase. The Elfs can only cast 1 spell each turn. A player who adds nice touches, or theatrics in the description gets a bonus. Effects can be made to appear anywhere on the map. The order in which spells are resolved by the 'Magic Umpire' is based on a first come first serve basis. Spells use either red mana or black mana. Certain spells also use other ingredients often with limited availability those can only be cast when they are in the possession of the caster. Players need to provide evidence to the magic umpire that they have (and are expending) those ingredients.

• Dwarfs' Culinary Bounty (red mana) An enormous feast is created, worth 4 Food Tokens for each red mana. Special: This originated as a a Dwarven spell. Dwarven cuisine isn't foultasting or unhealthy, but a lot of it is very different from what everybody else eats at the best of times. Side effects from Jokers usually manifest as the exotic side of Dwarven food….shudder…
• Edan's Thaumaturgic Poultice (red mana) Your basic magic cure all. Heals 1 step on a chosen unit(s) for each red mana.
• Diabolic Treasurer (black mana) This incantation calls forth one of Hell's treasure imps. The Elves get detailed info about the current economic situation of all factions (inc. ballpark Food&Gold token figures) in the game. Costs: 1 black mana and 1 Gold Token.
• Doorway to the Infernum (black mana) This creates a doorway of balefire and brimstone. For each black mana a handful minor demons manifest. Each handful functions as a raiding party this turn in exchange for 1 Gold Token. Afterwards they depart back to hell. Unpaid demons depart right now after making some rude gestures and giving a detailed description of Elven ancestry involving quite a lot of animal husbandry. Making this spell is actually save to use. Costs: 1 black mana and 1 Gold Token for each 1 raiding unit.
• Touch of the Scoundrel (red mana) This turns a group of ordinary non-combatants into a raiding party for 1 turn. 1 red mana is needed for each raiding party. You need a platoon's worth of non-combatants and the right equipment for each transformation. Ur has plenty of non-combat citizens. The Free Folk have their slaves (not loyal to them at all!). And even the invaders have a couple of non-combat units squeezed away in their baggage train. The Prince will be most displeased if you turn the catamites into militia men… Dwarven kingdoms have not enough non-combatants to make this work for them.

• Castle of Weeds (red mana) Naturally occurring local plants instantly grow to enormous size covering a squared centimeter on the map. It does not function as a real fortification but it will slow down an advancing army. It takes an army 1 tactical turn to move through the 'castle', destroying it in the process. Defenders can't be effectively stationed on top of, or inside the 'castle'. Permanent until destroyed. There are only 2 pouches of the magical fertilizer needed in the game. Both are in the hands of the Elves. Spell costs 1 red mana and can't be improved with more mana.
• The Spell of some Mediocrity (black mana) A vague grayish mist settles over the field where a battle is about to start. Luck will not be a factor this time. Instead of 1d6 add +3 to all battle totals. 1 black mana for each battle affected. This requires several huge containers of Redbeard goods to be sacrificed to the Gods of Mediocrity. Setting up this sacrifice takes a strategic turn after you have bought them. This pile of Redbeard goods waiting to be sacrificed is a potential raiders target.
• Summons of the Improvident Gap (black mana) Opens a small rift in the form of an old fashioned milestone to another reality with a much higher gravity. Everyone&everything in&over the general area starts falling towards the rift. All units involved cannot do anything this tactical turn. All units involved take the equivalent of 1 +2 attack. The whole thing costs 2 black mana. Can only be cast 1x. The magic carving that is sacrificed in the casting of this spell, is in Elven hands safely out of reach of raiders, but there is simply not enough time to make a new one.
• Touch of the Soldier (red mana) This turns a group of ordinary non-combatants into a militia unit for 1 turn. 1 red mana is needed for each militia unit. You need a unit's worth of non-combatants and militia equipment for each transformation. Ur has plenty of non-combat citizens. The Free Folk have their slaves (not loyal to them at all!). And even the invaders have a couple of non-combat units squeezed away in their baggage train. The Prince will be most displeased if you turn the catamites into militia men… The Dwarven kingdoms meanwhile have not enough non-combatants to make this work for them.
• Transport (black mana) Teleports a unit (or more) to any open space on the map. 1 black mana = 1 transported unit. It requires a special magical map of the valley to be destroyed in the casting. The Temple Hermits of Urr have studied the local Ley Lines enough to draw 1 up in a strategic turn. The process of studying the Ley Lines yourself is too long (and boring) to consider.